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[itchtokill]

"Kol, here. I'm busy tormenting someone or otherwise causing mayhem around Wonderland. Leave a message!"

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[alsoagirl]

[ She rolls her eyes, but she's still smiling. ] How nice.

[ The smile doesn't last much longer, though. Jessica bites her lip, fiddling with the hem of her shirt. ]

Do you think I fucked up with that guy?

[itchtokill]

At least I'm not lying? [That counts, right?!

He shrugs a bit at the question.] I dunno. I've never seen your glamour in action, but it'll probably be fine. [As long as anyone who might opt to do some questioning doesn't get too creative. For now, he'll just hope for the best.]

As far as doing what you did? [another shrug.] You said he deserved it, yeah? So, what's there to be guilty about?

[alsoagirl]

[ She gives him a look at the "not lying" comment. How comforting.

Sighing, she crosses her arms over her chest. She hadn't really thought much would come of the situation, especially with being preoccupied with Claire. It was nagging at her now. ]

I got kinda cocky. I should've made sure he wouldn't say anything at all. If the situation'd been better...

[ Well, what can she do, really? She can only hope for the best, too. ]

...He totally deserved it, though. [ Unable to stop it, she lets out a laugh. ] I'm not feelin' much guilt, really. Never thought I wouldn't feel bad about hurtin' a human.

[ Hmph. He could fuck off with his stupid face and stupid Irish accent. If she ever saw him again, he'd regret it. ]

[itchtokill]

Can't do anything else about it now. [He spreads his hands a bit.] No sense dwelling. You'll know better for next time. [Because there will be one. The more she uses that glamour, the more she'll come to rely on it. Kol knows that first-hand.]

Good, you shouldn't.

[alsoagirl]

[ She nods, looking down at her lap. There's clearly something brewing in her head.

Jessica opens her mouth for a moment, closes it, then decides to just spit out what she wants to ask. ]

Have you...killed a lot of people, Kol?

[ It's something she's been curious about for ages. Since she met him, she's gotten a general idea of how he feels about humans, but she's been a little too afraid to know more. Their conversation's made it pop into her mind again, and she figures while she's got the bravery to ask, she may as well. ]

[itchtokill]

[He can tell she wants to say something, it's written across every ounce of her. Pressing her might have shut it down entirely, so he lets her come to asking the question on her own.] Yeah. I mean, I've lived over a millennia. I've had people wanting me to dead practically since I was turned. There's no avoiding killing for that long. [He shrugs a bit.] I don't think I could even give you an accurate estimate.

[alsoagirl]

Ha. Yeah, I kinda figured.

[ What a weird feeling, talking about death so casually. Her life had really become something else, hadn't it?

Jessica pushes her hair back, hesitating again. ]

I worry that's gonna happen to me. Like, no offense, but bein' a killer's scary to me. [ She huffs softly. ] But God, I'm barely a few months old and I've already probably killed somebody. What if it keeps happenin' and it stops scarin' me?

[ Maybe he wasn't the best person to ask, but it's not like she had other 1000-year-old vampires to talk to. ]

[itchtokill]

It wasn't always so natural to me. [He admits, and given how cavalier he is about it all, that might even be a surprise. But it's the truth, and that's saying a lot from a bloke like him. Honesty isn't Kol's best friend.]

Probably? [He echoes, head cocking to the side.] You're not sure? The rest, I can't really help with, really. Perhaps it won't. I'd hardly say every vampire becomes an emotionless murderer. [He's certainly known plenty in his time that haven't. It's a battle of will and instincts, but it is possible.

But honesty isn't his best friend.
And that just doesn't seem pertinent to mention, to him.]

[alsoagirl]

...He's in death limbo back home, all right? Jeez.

[ MOVING ON. ]

Whatever. I should probably stop worryin' myself over this. I need to stop worryin' in fuckin' general. You're, like, ancient and you're still cool! Scary, kinda, but still cool. So I should be just fine!

[ Because he's the perfect example of a well-adjusted vampire! ]

[itchtokill]

Death limbo? Do you mean transition? [Has she turned someone already? Fascinating.

He gives a facial shrug at her attempt to brush off the worry.] That's certainly one way to look at it.

[alsoagirl]

[ Her shoulders hunch. This is probably why she hasn't brought up her little dinnertime disaster to him that much. Dangit. ]

No! [ Then she immediately whimpers. ] M-Maybe? I was hopin' to keep him from dyin', so I gave him some of my blood. But I woke up here right after I did it, so I've got no clue if it worked.

[ Spoiler alert: it didn't. ]

Doesn't really matter now, does it? It's not like I overfeed now. So...whatever!

[ She's not a sucky vampire, you are! ]

[itchtokill]

[She is awfully stroppy for someone trying to get help from him, as a general rule. But mostly, it's amusing to him. She seems almost...embarrassed that she put some poor bloke in transition. It's kind of adorable.]

Ah, well, that'll do it. Showing up here does sort of ruin the happenings of home. [Which he is perfectly fine with, thanks. The Other Side would just be torture.]

I'm not judging you, calm down.

[alsoagirl]

But everybody judges me all the fuckin' time! Why wouldn't you?

[ She is pouting so hard. From the moment she got turned, everyone treated her like some total freak who could never do right. Top that off with living a strict, sheltered human life? Go figure she'd get a complex from all that.

Regardless of her words, though, she does calm down somewhat. Kol's been the one person who's barely judged her, if at all. It'd probably be a good idea for her to really start working on kicking her habit of being a jerk to him. ]

Sorry. Again. I just wish I wasn't such a fuck-up.

[itchtokill]

Better question: Why should I? [It was meant as a challenge, but it sort of turned into just the beginning of a rant.] Shun you, because you're feeling out a new nature that was forced on you? Tell you how wrong you are, what an abomination you are, because you have wants and needs and desires that don't match that of a human? Would that be preferable for you?

Because sorry, darling, you'll have to look elsewhere for that kind of talk. I'll be the last person on the entire bloody Earth to tell you that you shouldn't do whatever feels right. I am a child of intense decadence and irrational rage. I do what I want, whenever I want, with or to whomever I choose because no one can stop me.

[He slides closer to her and cups one hand against her cheek, turning her face so she has no choice but to look at him.] Stop apologizing for being what you are. You may not have asked for it. Neither did I. But being a vampire is what you make of it. You can spend your new life eternally fretting about what will happen, or if the you that you are now will hate what you've become in five years, a decade, two, ten. Or you can embrace it, and enjoy it.

[His hand drops away from her face and he leans back, eyes sweeping over her in an appraising sort of way. He lets a smirk roll a little too easily across his lips and his voice has a light-ended tilt to it.] So, what'll you choose?

[alsoagirl]

[ Jessica's stunned into silence. That was. A lot.

It was insane how all of that flew in the face everything her Maker had ever said and done. He treated being a vampire as a curse, even if he didn't outright say it. Any attempt to give in to her nature or learn about it? Forbidden. Thanks to that, she had to be told she'd cry blood from a human. She had to learn just how good her healing was in the worst way. She had a dead body waiting for her back home because she was never taught how to feed. There were so many goddamn things she didn't know, it was impossible to keep count.

Yet here was Kol, telling her to embrace what she was.

She touches the cheek he held briefly, biting her lip and looking away. For the longest time, every inch of her being had wanted to do that. Just be a vampire. As long as there was no lasting damage to others, what was the harm? ]

I... [ She swallows hard, processing so many thoughts she's struggling to speak. ] I like what I am.

[ Hesitantly, she turns her head and glances back at him. This is one of those moments where she feels so small in comparison, so young and dumb...but he's trying to help with that. So maybe it's not so bad for once. It just meant she was about to grow up some more. ]

I tired of fightin' it. Feelin' like it's wrong.

[itchtokill]

[Kol realizes it was a lot to hear, so he doesn't push her or rush her as she tries to sort through it all and figure out how she feels about it. Truthfully, she'll be whoever she is, become whoever she should in the end. But he'd suffered enough before figuring out the best choice was simply leaning into what he had become. And it had been possibly the most freeing thing he'd ever done.

Not that he can deny that he's intensely pleased that she's leaning his way on all this.]

Good. [He says simply.] It's a lot less hassle when you don't hate yourself. God knows that never did my brother any favors.

[Kol spent plenty of time daggered in a coffin, but none had been stuck for as long as Finn.

He smirks and spreads his hands in a sort of welcoming gesture.] Welcome to the fun side of things.

[alsoagirl]

[ She can't help it. She lets out a laugh. It feels like some weight she never knew was there got lifted off her shoulders. Getting rid of moral dilemmas tends to do that.

There's another laugh, then another. In a weird sort of way, this was like the last kick in the rear she needed to stop being a tortured soul like her Maker loved to be so damn much. ]

Well, I sure love havin' a good time. We can throw a party or somethin'.

[ This is probably the point where she'd hug a friend for helping her through a rough spot, but...yeah, maybe not. She might end up on the ceiling. ]

You ever gonna tell me more about your family someday now that I'm way cooler?

[itchtokill]

[The giggle fit is good, honestly. Like a release of all the burden that the ideas of whoever she'd been listening to before. He thinks things will certainly be far more interesting now. He just gives her an amused look at the comment about a party.

Her question, however, gives him a bit of a pause. Of course, he's not going to go around divulging family secrets to her, but...]

What do you want to know?

[alsoagirl]

[ The laughter abruptly stops. Whoa. She didn't expect him to actually let her ask questions!

Well, fuck. Now she feels put on the spot. Any good questions she'd had evaporate from her brain. Fuck! ]

U-Uh. Um. [ Would her brain work already? ] How big's the family?

[ It's...something? ]

[itchtokill]

Well, there were my parents, then Freya, Finn, Elijah, and Nik all before me, Rebekah, and-- [He falters, only the barest bit noticeable but there all the same.] Henrik. He was killed by a werewolf... sort of... what spurred my parents into creating us into what we are now.

[alsoagirl]

Jesus. I'm sorry.

[ And she thought having a kid sister was bad. She can't imagine having a family that big. Then again, maybe her father would've had more people to abuse, giving her more of a break...

She'll file that under stupid and fucked up things to think about, along with wondering if werewolves were a thing in her world. At this point, she wouldn't be shocked. ]

Your...parents turned you?

[ She figures he's being nice by saying "created" and all. ]

[itchtokill]

Not your fault. [Or anyone's, really. Not even Nik's, though he knows his brother holds a lot of guilt for that night in his heart. Any of them would have, if they'd been the one there with their youngest brother. But as it were... ]

It was magic that made us. My mother, she created an immortality spell and... they made us drink wine laced with blood from a doppelganger and then they killed us. And we woke up in transition as vampires. [Their origin story never really gets easier to really consider.]

[alsoagirl]

[ Jessica spends a few moments simply blinking. Now there's magic involved! How much crazier can this get? Eh, maybe she doesn't want to know that. ]

...Wow.

[ Because she's not really sure what else to say. Like, what even is a doppelganger? Some special kind of gang member?

She grimaces. This kind of explains some of his, ah, quirks. ]

Uh, I guess that was nice of her, in a weird way? But, I mean, your family kinda makes mine look fuckin' tame. Shit.

[itchtokill]

It started out that way... sort of took a turn for the batshit when they decided we were abominations they should rid the world of? [He says these things so casually that it's probably just all the worse for it. It was just normal for parents to want their children dead after going to ridiculous lengths to ensure that didn't happen, right?]

gonna gently end this before i walk myself into spoilers :'D

[alsoagirl]

[ The long silence that follows should give him an answer to his question. ]

When the fuck did that happen?

...Actually, no. Don't even fuckin' tell me. I got enough shit on my mind. Uh. [ She stands. ] Thanks for helpin' me out tonight. I'm feelin' better, at least.